She Transforms

by Rowena Fishwick

 

This time it was different. I mean, she was different. I was still the same, so was Dad, the beach, and even the weather. But something had happened to Julia. Last summer she’d been happy to build epic sandcastles and climb on the rocks. This year she just sprawled on the sand with a magazine, playing with her long, dark hair.

I didn’t like the way men looked at her in that bikini. Not just boys, but grown-up men. Some of them were as old as Dad. Mostly they would just watch, but some would come and sit with us. I glared at them until they laughed, ruffled my hair and gave me money to buy sweets.

‘Like I’m ten years old.’

‘You are only eleven.’

I pulled a shell from the sand and pressed it against my ear. Julia was pretending not to see the man watching her. He was sitting by the fish and chip stand.

‘Why can’t you cover up a bit? Then they wouldn’t stare at you.’

‘You sound like Mum.’

I closed my eyes and listened to the sea. I was trying to dig sand out of my ear when the man came over. Julia seemed very interested in an article about stars with no make-up.

‘Hi there.’

She looked up at him, her chin resting on one hand. ‘Hello.’

He was at least eighteen, maybe even twenty. His teeth were too white, like they weren’t real.

‘And what’s your name?’ he said to me, in a different voice.

‘None of your business.’

‘That’s a funny name. Well, none of your business, how about you get yourself an ice cream?’

‘I’m lactose intolerant.’

‘No you’re not.’ Julia glared at me.

‘I’m borderline diabetic.’

‘Natalie! You love ice cream!’

He was looking at her, smiling, as if they were sharing a joke. Then he handed me a five-pound note. I stuffed it into my pocket and tried to stomp away, but it’s impossible to stomp on sand. I didn’t buy the ice cream. Instead, I spent the entire five pounds in the arcade and went back to Dad’s apartment. Alone. Dad would be mad. I wasn’t supposed to go around by myself. I hoped he would ground Julia and then there would be no more men.

* * * *

Dad had a balcony and in the evening we would sit and look at the stars. That is, we used to. This summer I was alone out there. I hung my legs through the railings, repeating the names like a magical charm: Andromeda, Orion… Change Julia back… Gemini… Sometimes I heard voices from the nearby restaurant, where people ate outside on warm nights. I could just make out moths flying around the lights. Sometimes, one would fly as high as the balcony. I was so pale, maybe they thought I was another lamp.

Andromeda, Orion… Make it like it used to be…

* * * *

In the middle of the holiday, one of Dad’s friends got married and we were invited to the evening party. Julia wore a red dress. My green one was too small and I had to smooth it down when I sat, so I didn’t show my knickers.

‘And how old are you now, Julia? Sixteen? You’re so grown up. You remember when I used to bounce you on my knee?’ Julia gave him a polite smile and sipped her coke. ‘And Natalie? What have you been up to since I last saw you?’

He was about forty and his jacket was too tight across his stomach. I didn’t like the way he was looking at her. Any second now, he would give me money and send me to buy a lemonade.

‘Last month I got my first period.’

That got his attention. He almost fell over.

‘Don’t say things like that,’ she said, when he’d gone. ‘It’s not decent.’

‘Andromeda, Orion…’ I whispered.

‘You’re so weird.’

‘I hate you.’

‘Keep your voice down.’

I pushed my chair back and stomped off. It was no use, the music was too loud for anyone to hear my footsteps. I locked myself in the toilet and sat with my face in my hands. Andromeda, Orion… Make her like she used to be… Gemini, Taurus… Bring the old Julia back…

She wasn’t my sister anymore. She was transforming into this horrible thing: a woman! I wasn’t sure when it had started. Mum said that soon I would be like that too, but I knew she was lying. I would never be beautiful. I had freckles and red hair, and no one likes freckles and red hair.

‘Sweetheart, are you in there?’

‘This is the girls’ loos, Dad.’

‘You’ve been gone a long time. Are you okay? Sweetie… I know we don’t get to see much of each other… I know you’re growing up now, and I don’t know much about girls, but… Are you okay?’

I unlocked the door and it swung open. The light was what Mum called ‘unforgiving’. Dad looked grey and tired.

We walked back to the party. We must have looked a sad sight – Dad suddenly old, me in that horrible, too-small dress. I noticed Julia straightaway. No one could have missed her, all in red. She was dancing with the man from the beach, the one with the too-white teeth. When had she learnt to move like that?

‘Andromeda, Orion…’ But it was too late to ask for the old Julia back. The transformation was complete. I turned to Dad. ‘I’ll never be like Julia.’

‘No, you’ll be Natalie.’ He smiled, as if he had said something very wise. ‘Next summer she might not come at all. And soon… well, neither of you will come.’

Then he handed me some money and told me to buy myself a lemonade.

 

Copyright © 2017 Rowena Fishwick